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This can sometimes speak to stereotypical gender roles where a man is supposed to be large and in charge. While most women do not mind this, there are some women who like to change it up a bit and be the ones cracking the whip in the bedroom - pun intended. It is very sexy. Some men flat-out protest the idea of being tied up or subdued and allowing me to do as I please. They tend to insist on taking over and when I protest, there tends to be a bit of struggle of power.

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Do you want to role play a rape scene? Do you want to be tied up?

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Of course, you can't know everything in advance, but it's important to be honest with yourself here about what, specifically, you'd like to see happen. All of us have sexual fantasies, but many of us struggle with how to to make those fantasies become realities.

Not being in control may be part of what you find arousing, but you still have to do the work to communicate what you want to your partner. It's not because he doesn't feel comfortable — I just think it isn't his nature.

Most of all, have fun! How do I get things started if the whole point of the fantasy is for him to initiate being in control? Do you want him to use paddles, floggers, or ball gags?

You can alleviate these fears by telling him this fantasy is only one aspect of what turns you on, and reassure him that you don't just want any random dude to dominate you; you want him to do the job. We're always hearing that we could be having better sexa better orgasm, or a better relationship.

Be casual but clear in your intentions. Step 1: First, Make the Fantasy Clear to yourself.

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If the safe word is ever uttered during sex, it means, STOP. Everything I've read said I should suggest the idea to him, so I have. And remember: this is your fantasy. So if he's a naturally sensitive, considerate guy, he might feel self-conscious knowing that you get turned on by the idea of some masochistic brute pushing you around. Talk about the specific acts that are on or off the table, and see if you guys can find compromises.

No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous. You can say something along the lines of, "I was thinking about it some more, and what sounds hot is if you could be really bossy to me in bed.

I wanted to be dominated. what now?!

By Vanessa Marin. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Always agree on a safe word before experimenting with role playing, especially when power play is involved. Think using a pair of restraints on your wrists, or even just having him pull your hair during sex. Seeing that reciprocity on your end will likely inspire him to channel his dominant alter-ego more frequently.

Make an effort to enthusiastically follow through on any of his desires, as long as they feel comfortable to you. I can't predict your boyfriend's reaction to your request, but I can offer a few guesses: Sometimes people can feel a lot of pressure around acting out their partner's fantasies.

Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a d sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details. You don't need to feel ashamed if that's the case, but there are safe ways to enact a rape fantasyand you need to do some research beforehand.

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You can work your way up to more complex acts from there. Some people worry that having to plan for your fantasy to happen makes it less sexy, but I can guarantee you that a little foresight and initiative will make for a much more pleasurable experience. A: This is a great question! Don't be afraid to be specific either. If the two of you have never incorporated domination into your sex life before, start by dipping your toes in the shallow end. He's always receptive in the moment, but then he never does it again.

Ask men’s fitness: i’ve always wanted my girlfriend to dominate me in the sack. how do i ask her in a way that still makes me feel like a man?

How does that sound? It kinda kills it for me if I have to ask him to dominate me. Trust me, a little work beforehand will make things safe and sexy for both of you. Don't wait around for him to initiate. With any sexual fantasy, the first thing you want to do is figure out what exactly you want to play out.

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Maybe call me dirty names and demand that I service you. Ask your boyfriend if he has any fantasies or special requests you can help him act out. Do you want him to simply be more assertive and in control?

Take the time to think through a few scenarios and get clear on what turns you on.